Saturday, June 11, 2005

Be Yourself

Well it looks like I'm going home in two or three days - it's amazing that my first year of university has already come to an end. And it's times like these that I tend to want to evaluate what has happened in the past year, and what is likely to happen in the coming months.

What have I managed to do this year?
- Well, hopefully I've passed enough of my exams not to have failed out of university.
- Made some great friends in James, Mike, Dak, and Dan.
- Not much else.

What have these achievements cost me?
- Too much money to even think about.
- A normal sleeping pattern.
- Normal eating habits, leading to:
- About half a stone.

What have I failed to do this year?
- Put enough effort into university work to be doing a lot better.
- Make many casual friends, who I hang out with once in a while.
- Get a girlfriend, but that was always going to happen.
- Increase my confidence.

What has this cost me?
- Same as the achievements.

What does the future hold?
- Sainsbury's until September probably.
- Many many resits probably.
- On the plus side, Moda with Dick and Dawsey.

How have I changed?
- I think I am generally more friendly towards people.
- I think now I have learnt my inevitable lesson about work.
- I think now I have learnt my inevitable lesson about money.

How have I not changed?
- Talking badly about people behind their backs.
- Two-faced-ness.
- I still mumble too fucking much!

This leads me onto my real point - have I really changed much from the person that I was in the "group"? It looks like I haven't really, as I still bitch about people behind their backs. But this is not who I am - what I want to do is tell people how I feel to their faces, I don't want to surpress what I feel about people and things - I just want to be myself. I don't want to care about what other people think. I don't want to do things just to be accepted.

I think the lyrics from the Audioslave song "Be Yourself" are pretty inspirational here - they suggest to me that it doesn't matter how things pan out, that I will always feel better inside if I just do what I want and be myself. I think that is what I'm going to do from now on. At least it's what I want to do, but when I come face to face with someone in Cheltenham that I hate, will I tell them so? No...

Even when you've paid enough
Been put on or been held up
With every single memory of
The good or bad, faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Audioslave - Be Yourself

2 Comments:

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number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially
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